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I don’t drink either, so I know firsthand how challenging a wedding can be for the social battery: it’s a whole day of small talk with people you don’t know very well, who tend to get drunker as time goes on. I say this to reassure you that there’s nothing wrong with hiding in the bathroom – sounds perfectly normal to me! I just want to pause for a moment about your fears of not being too weird to be liked by his friends. I haven’t seen any of you interact, but it’s possible that you might be projecting a little onto his friend’s girlfriend. I know it’s annoying (not our type of annoying) and a little crazy that many straight friend groups seem to intuitively divide so that women and men are equally drawn to each other, but if you’re going to be in this relationship, these are the women you’re going to see a lot of. Unless you have specific examples of rudeness or alienation, I recommend giving them the benefit of the doubt. What’s to stop you from suggesting something everyone can do together? You might be surprised by the results, and even if you’re not, you’ll have the smugness of someone who also took a moral high ground and made an effort alongside your partner’s friends.

Two of his friends recently got engaged, and I find myself reacting to the news with dread. We’re expecting another wedding invitation soon. Is there any way I can tell my boyfriend I don’t want to go? I feel like a terrible girlfriend. But I don’t like them. The irony is, I don’t think he likes them either. He just feels like he has to go. I know you, and I’ve been there. Let’s be honest, there’s only one thing straight people like more than Friends and Mr. Brightside by The Killers, and that’s attending each other’s weddings. I remember discovering this truth a few years ago when I was dating a straight guy and hanging out with his college friends. Like you, my own social scene has much more diverse romantic lives and very different priorities. Sure, some people are married, but the weddings are few and far between, and most are private. For the uninitiated, groups of friends where large weddings are the norm can be a culture shock in exactly the way you describe. An expensive shock.

As for attending weddings: It may be easier if you communicate clearly with your partner that attending multiple weddings of people you don’t know well, especially those that are overseas or require you to take time off work, is something you feel you can’t do. There may be a compromise here where he can think honestly about which weddings are most important (close friends and family) and which ones, realistically, he would be okay attending alone. These occasions may mean different things to him than they do to you (public status as a couple, romantic commitment, and celebration). You’ll probably do best in this conversation if you can reassure him that you understand his perspective and that you want to make an effort with his friends beyond attending weddings (see my advice above about his friends’ girlfriends).

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